This blog is; for all the partners of the less abled who wonder how my husband Henning manages and what his side of the experience is.
I met Kati on the internet. We connected on an intellectual level. In some ways, we were the exact opposite but with some same interests.
We had the same kind of sense of humor. Neither of us was into senseless drama. I had/have a strong dislike towards people who all the time talk about their problems and are full self-pity. Kati was the complete opposite of this. All though she has a bigger problem than anyone else does, she never talks about this or her limits. All she talks about is the future and always with something that may seem like a naïve positive attitude. Kati was and is a breath of fresh air.
As entering a relationship with a person that is somehow, less abled you prepare yourself for the obvious. However, some things are impossible to think about up ahead mainly because the first thing that happens when you enter such relationship is, that your perspective changes from the littlest thing up to life in general.
When married to a woman who cannot move you lose almost all your freedom. Nevertheless, in return, your life gains a sense of an unimaginable purpose. It is very much the same as having children, and we consider children a blessing, well being married to Kati is a blessing in the skies.
I am a loner and a free spirit. An introvert that likes his alone time and unattached so I could always do what I want whenever I want. Living with Kati is the complete opposite of that. There is always someone (one of Kati’s assistant) around during the daytime. In other words, no “alone time”. In the evening hours when there is no one around, I can have some of the privacy that I so much like. However, that also comes at a cost. I cannot take off and do whatever I want.
I can sincerely say that I do not know if the younger version of me could have handled this situation. I do not know could that 30-year-old Henning have risen to the circumstances and endured complete loss of what he appreciated so much back then. Things happen for a reason and at the right time. Here with Kati today is where I am meant to be, and we are always trying to make the best out of it.
Before I used to leave everything to the last moment. Things to do or decisions to make were always put off up to the deadline. There were times I would not even deal with issues and let them take care of themselves. Nowadays things are different. Everything should be planned. Every Issue that would pop up should be taken care of as fast as possible. In the past freedom to me meant not caring about what would happen and not necessary to take responsibilities. Now I have a better sense of freedom. By taking care of everything, I never need to have any worries about what might happen because we are always prepared for anything.
Our marriage is not balanced in the same way as a marriage between two perfectly healthy people. The equation between Kati and I; I put all physical responsibilities on me. People do not realize this, but I work 365 days a year, 12 hours a day, and that is just being at home. A job is comparable to a security persons’ job. He or she may not have much to do most of the time, but you always have to be alert and ready to jump up and handle an emergency at any moment. You can be sitting lazily one second and up into a stressful (for someone who does not know how to manage it) situation the next.
The circumstances can get to you at certain moments. I do at sometimes feel drained as if I am on the edge of burnout. A person that is not in the same kind of situation may not understand this. Just imagine, a regular security person works eight hours a day, five days a week and takes a vacation. I am only human, sometimes I get tired, and I need a break. I need to be away for a few days to regenerate.
One of the biggest magazines of Finland did a piece about Kati just before we got married. They did not just interview Kati. They also interviewed Kati’s mother, my mother and me. Kati’s mom said that I was an angel. Well, that is the furthest from the truth. It is not, unusual to hear people say when they see us; “that is true love.” I am no angel; I do love Kati but sometimes in life only love, isn’t just enough.
I always had this strong sense of righteousness. Doing what is right and good for the right reasons. If you asked me if I believe in God, I would say; ‘Yes’, but the God that you spell with two O’s, good. “Do good” not because of the possible reward or in fear of punishment. Do it because it is the right thing to do.
Sharing my life with Kati gave me the opportunity to live my sense of righteousness to another level. Kati gave me the chance to help people. Not just the ones in my vicinity, but all over the world. Sharing our story and our life can be of inspiration to others. Sometimes just a picture does the trick, amazing. By just being alive and living her life as she does Kati manages to lift many people up and make their lives better, and I get the chance to join her on this ride. It is both an honor and a dream come true.