Until health do us part

01.10.2015

When disability strikes, even the most loving people in the world can shock themselves with their behavior. Illness does not always bring out the best in people. Studies have shown that men, in particular, have trouble keeping a promise to stay together in sickness as in health.

In rehab, I was told that statistics shows that after a partner becomes somehow disabled, ninety percent of the time the man would abandon the woman. A woman, on the other hand, would abandon the man in fifty percent of the cases. I guess they wanted to give me heads up or something in a polite way.

Needless to say, I was not part of the ten percent that has (had) a partner that could handle the situation. My situation was different though (luckily) we were not married, so no promises had been made. Our relationship was on the rocks already before the stroke, and I was thinking about breaking it off for a few months already.

The way our incredible brains operate can sometimes make it our worst enemy. In any or every situation in life that might lead to a not happy outcome. It is not the situation that makes us panic but the thoughts of a worst possible scenario.

For example, let’s take a person who is sentenced to a life imprisonment. His worst enemy will not be the walls that surround him. His worst enemy will be the thought that those walls are going to be the only thing he will see for the rest of his life.

Things are most of the time not as bad as they seem, but at the moment of happening we tend to see them as the worst that could ever be. Not only to the person who is at the center of the dilemma, but also for all who surrounds him/her.

The one suffering from some sickness, trauma or is disabled is not the only one who is hurting. Everyone around them is affected. Some may rise to the occasion others will turn around and run. It is normal human behavior.

It is common to feel that it is you against the world when confronted with traumatic situations. After all we are at the center of our lives. A voice in our heads starts to yell out; this is happening to ME, MY life is ruined, MY dreams can never come true, I will never be happy again.

The tendency is to start believing that is the truth, but it isn’t. That voice that is yelling aloud is the voice of self-pity; this is not a voice that you should be listening too. You should be listening to the voice of reason. The voice that says; “that this is not just happening to you, but also to all who surrounds you (even when we are alone we are never really alone).” Your life is not ruined it just became more challenging and at the same time more valuable. All your dreams can and will come true you just have to start to dream bigger now. I will reach a higher definition of happiness one that has never been seen before.

At the moment of trauma and when depression kicks in it are hard to think this way. Your thoughts and emotions are in a war zone, each battling their adversities. At moments like this we do not need extra weight on our shoulder, they will only drag us down.

My boyfriend of back then could not handle the situation, yet he did not turn his back on me. It was me who broke it off. I had mountains to climb if I wanted to survive and thrive, and I could not do this with his weight on my shoulder.

Nowadays there are rainbows all over. That is the way it always should have been. Every single human being should have the right to be with whom they want to be. Let us hope that this rainbow is not just for one group of minorities, but also for everyone. After all, we all belong to one or other minority.

Promises are easy to make but hard to keep, they shatter easily. Just remember love is the seed of a relationship. But for it to flourish you will need much more than just love, much more!

Kati

Comments (1)

  1. Raila 06.10.2015 08:47

    Hei! Muutos on usein pelottava asia. Jopa positiiviseen suuntaan kulkeva muutos saattaa pelottaa. Olenko se sama ihminen muutoksen jälkeen, katoaako minuuteni, ovat kysymyksiä joita joutuu miettimään. Vaakalaudalla on koko ihmisen identiteetti. Kun löytää itsensä ja lakkaa pelkäämästä, on jo matkansa alussa.

    Pienemmässä mittakaavassa kuin Sinun ajatuksesi (“Tapahtuma hetkellä meillä on taipumus nähdä ne pahimpina, mitä voisi koskaan olla.”) koen tuuman, jonka luin jostain: Usein väsyneenä ei kannata uskoa omia tunteitaan ja ajatuksiaan. Kiitos Kati tästä tekstistä.

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