Summer of 1994, I came to Finland for a couple of gigs. I had a fashion shoot for Gloria and a catalogue shoot for Fiorella. My arrival was noticed in the social columns. Their photographers at the airport to take pictures of my arrival. It was like a Cinderella story; she left Mikkeli and went to Los Angeles to become a model.
Finland felt like home and smelled different – cleaner. Mom made her special recipe vanilla sweet buns that she knows I love for my welcome home.
I was always had an interest in the unseen. Not only the spiritual part, but also the mystical part.
In between jobs, I went to visit a clairvoyant. She saw success and difficulties in my future. There was a vile and cunning woman in my work life who only wanted to use me. I would wrap my thoughts around some problem. I had a leading position coming my way, along with courses and training. I would go into business. Tony and I would stay together, and I would live in the USA, but not in Los Angeles. A health issue, I would be seeing spiritual healers. She saw glass feet, which she interpret as that I will have to learn to walk again. (Makes you think doesn’t it.)
It was a relief to hear that T. (my boyfriend back then) and I would stay together. I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. There was, however, a competitor, a rich artist, but I would choose T. We would have two children. There was a ring in my near future. There was also a Finnish man who would miss me. Warnings of problems with alcohol, and that when travelling there would be no accidents.
Mmm… So much for the mystical powers of the clairvoyant. People tend to see, hear and believe what they want to see, hear and believe. People also tend to ignore what they do not want to see, hear and believe.
In life, you get hints. We have an intuition or some sense that tells us what we should do. Every time we miss that hint, that issue comes back with more intensity. After several ignored hints, I found myself in a situation where I was forced to deal with that issue. Like my health. I ignored stress, constant headaches, fainting and even that horrible fit I had on the way to a job.
All I wanted to do was to work, make a career, and succeed. The wake-up call came in the form of a stroke. I finally got the message, however it was too late. No more Cinderella story. Work, career and success all gone forever with a life sentence of paralysis.
I think that it was more or less four months before the stroke when the headaches started. I had pretty much always headache. In my black bag where I was carrying my life (portfolio), I also carried always Advil with me for headaches. I was popping those like candies.
About two months before the stroke I started to have light faints. It was scary the first time. I had joined LA Women -gym, and I was alone in the locker room. In shower to be exact. Not many working out that early. I enjoyed it because I was no morning person and was not in need of some fake and over happily chitchat.
I still remember those black tiles starting to spin around like some ballerina getting more and more speed. I just suddenly felt all the power leaving my body. For some mystical reason, the feeling just passed, and power flowed back to muscles as I was still clinging to the shower walls.
Thank god, I never went completely down falling and hurting myself. First thing in my mind was that maybe it just had been too hard of a workout for just coffee for breakfast. I usually ate after gym. I was always on the go. Starting early in the morning to gym without probably eating enough.
The only person I told this to was my mother who of course started to worry. I do not think I told any of my friends because I did not believe that it was so significant in that line of work. In addition, I had never been the whining kind of person. Still not. If you complain about your bad feelings, it does not change anything.
I had it just a couple of times, but even that was worrying me and especially mom because it was not something normal. I did not completely fainted. I was very healthy young woman before that.