This blog is for all the partners of the less abled who wonder how my husband Henning manages and what his side of the experience.
“The definition of a good wife”. I listened to some answers that a street interviewer was getting from this question. All though that there were some good responses to the definition of the title “Wife” I did not relate with none of them and this mainly that I do not believe that “wife” is a title.
The person that I want to share my life with is my partner. She is not to fill in an opening and nor has to have a particular obligation. My wife is the other half of me. Not the person that is going to follow the rules made by other men (some of these men thought that the world was flat and that the sun revolved around the world).
Particularly in a marriage where one partner is not able, to give as much as the other, you must throw out all of the rules made by society and rebuild them around your particular situation. There is no place for a healthy and happy life, marriage if either one of us holds on to the original idea of how marriage, a wife or husband should be. You have to adapt and adjust to the circumstances and make the best of it.
If you are a narcissist, selfish, self-centric person. If you like to play the role of a victim or love the feeling of self-pity, then you should not get involved with people with any disabilities. The life you share with a person like this would crush anyone that think that they are tough and hard. The strength you need to have is one that is flexible. You must be able to bend like a yoga master without breaking.
Sharing, giving and taking are still the main ingredients of the marriage. However, it is not of the general fifty/fifty balancing act as the idea of a conventional marriage portrays. You have to create your equilibrium. It does not need to be like walking a tightrope. You make of it what you want to.
Intimacy will be different; you will have to find your way. It will take time. Time to know each other and to figure it out. However, where there is a will there is a way and ecstasy can be reached. Trust me.
Communication is of the most important. Like in any other relationships.
Shyness, shame or embarrassment can become your biggest enemy. One way to battle this is if you can develop a sense of humor that starts with learning to laugh at yourself and finding the humor of your situation. There is nothing wrong with black humor if it cleans your soul. Humor is free as air and much better than alcohol, any pills or drugs.
Common sense is your best friend. Forget the fantasy of how things should be. Feel blessed that you have the chance to create your reality. Do not look at what you do not have and you will see that you have much more that you ever could have imagined. Something unique and true that no one else does.